Innocence
by YourAverageDreamer
Summary: Part 8 of the 100 Themes challenge. Snapshots of Johanna's feelings for Katniss- from the reaping for the 74th Games to long after the Rebellion has finished. Unrequited Johanna/Katniss.


Katniss Everdeen caught her attention straight away.

At first, it was no more than a passing interest. A volunteer from District 12 was a rarity in itself, but a pretty one at that? She was going to watch this one closely for as long as the girl lived- but knowing the track record for 12, she figured Katniss would be lucky to survive past the blood bath. So instead of focusing _too_ closely on her, she trained her tributes as she had in the run up to every Games for the past three years. Getting invested wasn't smart, but she was able to try and give them a chance without being their best friend. Being tough on them was the only thing that would get them through the first few days- but most of them died in the first few days anyway, so that wasn't really saying much.

After that, it was the training score. Anything above a four was rare for someone from 12, but the fact the girl ended up with an _eleven? _That was impressive, and Johanna again found herself intrigued by the strange girl from District 12. But seeing her in her interview had her curling her lip in disgust, and the whole star-crossed lovers thing the boy decided to introduce? Disgusting. The Capitol would eat it up, of course, but Johanna just wanted to throw up. She wondered, not for the first time, how the people of the Capitol could be so naive as to believe Katniss was in love with _anyone_, let alone the Mellark boy. In many ways Katniss reminded Johanna of herself- a survivor. Someone who would try to shut out everything else and do her best to stay alive.

Johanna's tributes had both died at the blood bath, and since then she'd been silently rooting for Katniss (as had some of the other victors- the word 'rebellion' whispered in conversation when they were sure the Capitol couldn't hear). She was sat forward in her seat, completely absorbed in the Games for the first time ever (or, at least, the first time since she'd been _in _them), and wondering what the girl's next curveball would be. She'd already sung to the little girl and given her a full funeral getup- an act of rebellion in itself- and everyone who had their eyes open to the sheer brutality of the Games wanted to see Katniss Everdeen spur the Districts into action.

Then came the announcement that there would be two victors.

Johanna's lips twitched up into a twisted smirk. Oh, Abernathy. He really was going out of his way to make sure this happened. If Katniss and Peeta could convince the Capitol of their love, and convince the Districts of the call to rebellion at the same time... it was killing two birds with one stone, really. They could placate the general public of the Capitol long enough to facilitate planning, and spark rebellion at the same time. Girl on fire indeed. She was certainly blazing a trail of flames- even if she died it would leave a path for the rest of them.

But she didn't die. Not only did she live, she committed the ultimate act of rebellion- she and lover boy (who had turned out to be more useful than he appeared at first) had held out those berries. A few poisonous plants that had the potential to bring down the Capitol.

But what really amazed me was how _innocent_ Everdeen was. Not in the usual sense, no, the girl had shot a guy in the throat without a moment's hesitation. She was as fucked up and as much of a killer as the rest of them. But the way she'd blushed when Mellark had suggested taking his clothes off... the look of horror on her face had shocked Johanna into laughing out loud. She never laughed during the Hunger Games. Ever.

But acts of rebellion had a price, and Snow had named his. He had to know somewhere inside of himself that the Victors had something to do with rebellion, and he was going to make them pay for it. She screamed and threw things when the announcement was made, anger twisting in her gut and killing her inside, but she knew there was no choice. Regardless of whether or not she liked it, she was going to be going back into the Hunger Games. It wasn't as though District 7 had any other female Victors to contribute to the pool. Eventually, she forced herself to calm down and sat, calm as she could be, with a drink in her hands. She raised it in a sick imitation of a toast.

"To bringing those motherfuckers down," she muttered, sipping down the bitter liquid. It burned in her throat, and she did wonder how Abernathy managed to spend his entire life doing that. She didn't wonder for long, though, instead pouring herself another glass and wondering if it would do anything to quell the pain.

If anything, it just stoked the fire that had burned a hole in her chest, around the area she was sure her heart used to be.

She met with Finnick on the train. There were certain areas that were never bugged, and one of them was the bathroom. To some, it might seem strange for them to slip in there, but Finnick turned on the shower and shrugged.

"Just two broken Victors giving each other comfort, now," he muttered. Johanna smirked, she knew it wasn't a move. Aside from the fact Finnick knew better than to make a move on her, there was also the whole lesbian thing. He didn't have a chance in hell with her, and he knew it. They shared a smirk for a moment, and she sighed, leaning back against the wall.

"I have to say, this was unexpected. I knew there'd be a price, but I didn't think they'd be sending us back into the arena..." she said, immediately, and he nodded his agreement. She could see the pain in his eyes, the look that translated into one word, a name really. 'Annie'. It was this look, one that suggested the future was bleak and lost, that made Johanna's heart sink. She and Finnick weren't _friends, _per se, but she cared for him enough to feel his pain. She sighed and shook her head, sinking down to the floor.

"We can't let this stop just because Snow's a bastard. We have to keep fighting against them. We can't stop now. It's too close to being finished," she smiled, but it was bitter. She was determined, though. She would die before the 76th Hunger Games happened. She was surprised it had taken that long for the Districts to decide to do something about it, but then again it _was_ all about opportunism. The opportunity to rebel arose, figurehead included, and the people grabbed it. She looked up at Finnick and managed a smile.

The days following were a familiar routine to her, even though it had been three years since she'd been the one forced to go through the motions of them. The parade was her favorite- she would treasure the look on Katniss' face when she stripped down forever- but she was also glad they were able to force through a couple more acts of rebellion at the interviews. Each and every one of them were very clear on their opinions regarding the games, and then there was Mellark's baby bomb. She resisted the urge to clap, he probably had the best attempt at stopping the Games out of all of them. It was clear Katniss was still a virgin, the girl probably avoided looking at herself naked in the shower, but it enraged the Capitol nonetheless. The hand-holding was her favorite part. It was that final act from all of them. Survivors; united in pain.

They were survivors, not Victors.

* * *

Johanna didn't die in the Games, but she wished she had. A quick ending would've been better than what she was going through. She wasn't sure how long it was she spent trapped in that vicious cycle. Demands for information. Drowning. Shocking. Appearance on television, perfectly airbrushed. Demands. Drowning.

She did know when the television appearances ended. She heard them talk, sometimes. She knew that Mellark's prep team had been killed. She was used to hearing his screams. She'd heard the Trinket woman, too, a few cells away from them. Pleading with them, assuring them she knew nothing. Johanna didn't doubt it, Abernathy cared far too much for the woman and Johanna was fairly sure he'd nailed her a few times. He wouldn't tell her anything that might incriminate her, not to mention the small possibility that she might have outed them.

Still, she didn't die, but she might as well have. She prayed for it until the moment she was finally saved. She got herself hooked on morphine and found herself growing inexplicably closer to Katniss. The girl got an upgrade to being on first-name terms with Johanna, and the older woman found herself in an uncomfortable position. Hopelessly in love with a girl she'd never get. She resented her attraction, in a way it made her angry with herself. Katniss already had enough attention from the combined affections of Hawthorne and Mellark (even if the latter was a little... hijacked), and she didn't _deserve_ any more. No one did. But she had Johanna hooked, even if she looked in the mirror every morning and stared at her hair growing back in uneven chunks and hated everything a little more.

They moved in together. They tried to encourage each other through everything that happened. But in the end, Katniss was sent to the Capitol, and Johanna was forced to stay behind, unfit for battle. She'd given a derogatory snort at that- yes, unfit for battle provided one of the Capitol's traps were designed to _throw out a massive tidal wave_.

Instead, she stayed in District 13 and attempted to comfort the new Mrs Odair when they heard that Finnick was dead and gone. She tried not to seem too angry at being forced to hold the crying woman while she herself was having to accept that one of the two people she actually cared about in the world was _dead_.

But the rebellion raged on- even without her. Katniss lost her sister. Ended up with terrible burns all over her body. Johanna only saw her once after that- to discuss whether or not one final Hunger Games was in order.

After that, she was allowed to do what she wanted- go where she wanted. So she went back home, to District 7. There was nothing for her in the Capitol, and she sure as hell wasn't going to go to 12 as Haymitch had offered- the thought of waiting for the inevitable return of Peeta while she continued to pine over Katniss.

Feelings were so damn complicated.

Johanna eventually found someone. Sent the congratulatory note after Katniss and Peeta's wedding, turned up to meet their kids. Smiled and pretended her heart didn't ache a little every time she saw Katniss.

And sometimes, at night, she'd lay underneath her duvet, every nerve burning for the Girl on Fire.


End file.
